They’ve been together for over a century and a half at the time of the first book, and I have received word (as I am their only biographer) that Mr. Lovelace and Mr. Wick still live together to this very day. So, they must be doing something right.
We often think of supernatural creatures as detached, removed from the world, and emotionless. Not necessarily! They can be just as passionate as us, and perhaps there’s something we can learn from these amorous creatures. Fortunately, in my extensive research, I have encountered the very learning tool we need:
A Demon's Guide to Courting
Yes, really. Dear reader, would I lie to you?
And for those (un)lucky lovesick readers out there, I will now share some of the text of this romantic tome. After all, Valentine's Day is just around the corner! Keep in mind that unless you are a demon living in the nineteenth century, your mileage may vary. (If that describes you perfectly, however, do read on!)
Lesson the First: Nothing impresses more than a long litany of sin and woe! Tell your newfound love of all the havoc you have caused on Earth. Recall various disasters—remember that time with the nun and the lamplighter? Pure brilliance!
Lesson the Second: Take long walks by the river, and don’t forget to push in a human or two while you’re at it. Spontaneity is sure to make your love’s black heart patter.
Lesson the Third: Do not succumb to trends or fashion! A good traditional pitchfork or crag of brimstone are always suitable gifts to show the depth of your affection.
Lesson the Fourth: Good cologne or perfume is paramount for you and your love. Try a nice sandalwood to mask the ever-present scent of sulfur.
Lesson the Fifth: While love is a human indulgence we may enjoy, don’t forget! Our true purpose is to cheerfully collect the souls of the damned! Do this with a smile on your face, and a Hellish song in your heart, and surely you will lead a fulfilling existence on Earth.
There is, at this point, a nota bene added by the owner of the book. It reads:
SOME RULES ARE MEANT TO BE BROKEN. – I. W.
Perhaps, Mr. Wick plays by his own rules. That certainly has been the case in other affairs, so why should those of the heart be any different?
So, go forth, lovebirds—armed with this newfound knowledge! (Just be careful around nuns and lamplighters.)